As you know, I spent the weekend in NYC at an awesome signing. I had a blast. For those of you who couldn’t make it, here’s a little recap of my time there.
1. NYC is the city that never sleeps. And neither do I. I think I got about 5 hours from Thursday – Monday.
2. When I have a fake mustache, apparently I look more like a catfish than a dude with a mustache.
3. When Karina Halle asks you to do a shot, just say no. You’ll think it’s something fruity and yummy and it will turn out to be Jameson Whiskey.
4. If you plug your nose when you do a shot of Jameson, it still tastes like pure gasoline.
5. When Ellie Smith takes you into the bathroom to do a shot, it will not be something fruity and yummy either. It will be Jack and it will burn the nostrils. It will also make me scream “OMG! I JUST GREW TESTICLES. MY BALLS JUST DROPPED.”
6. Claribel Contreras doesn’t always do Irish Car Bombs, but when she does, she sips them slowly until we scream at her. And then she continues to sip them slowly.
7. Everything is funnier when you talk like the Dos Equis dude. Especially when you get this from your BFF’s husband at 4am:
8. When Kyla Linde and I take pictures, we always pose like we’re going to prom.
9. When Kyla photobombs my pictures, she looks cute. When I photobomb her pictures, it looks like I was the twin she ate in the womb, trying to break free.
10. When people came up to my table at the signing and said they hadn’t read my books yet, and I told them they were dead to me, they didn’t run away in fear. They either bought a book or promised to read me next. In summary, I love crazy bitches and crazy bitches love me. Word.
11. If you ride in a taxi bike for the first time after too many glasses of wine, you will fear for your life and your BFF will try to molest the driver. And lose a shoe.
12. If you ever get into a NYC cab with THIS guy, get right back out immediately. Because when you tell him to “be aggressive” in stopped traffic, he will ram into the back of the car in front of you and then you’ll have to get out and run when the cops come.
13. When you leave the Hilton through the stairwells, you will find this sign. As well as piles of discarded clothing.
14. After several glasses of wine, everyone will look like Justin Beieber, but none will be rocking out THESE shoes.
15. Mr. Wilder will buy you coffee and pose for pictures like these because he’s awesome.