Feb19

Things I Learned at Wicked Girls Book Weekend

9 Comments

In case you live under a rock and missed all of the Facebook photos and Twitter commentary, I was in Orlando this weekend for a book signing.  If you were there, I’m sure you’re in the same boat as me and you no longer have a liver, a voice or any clue where your underwear went.  If you didn’t go, you missed an amazing time.  From what I’ve heard.  And read about on Facebook.

Make sure you like the Ana’s Attic page on Facebook IMMEDIATELY! https://www.facebook.com/anasatticbookblog/

Planning is already in the works for next year’s weekend and you don’t want to miss it!  But, because I’m nice, I’ll give you a recap of the things I learned this past weekend.

1.  It’s very easy to pee your pants and cry at the same time.  Very easy.

2.  Shannon topples tables.  Or likes to be topless, I’m still not sure which.

3. Magic Mike is the worst movie ever made.  Porn has better acting and story lines.

4.  Red headed sluts are delicious.  And so are the drinks.

5.  A vibrating table costs $1,600 and a gold dildo costs $13,500 and neither one does the dishes.

6.  Anything you say at the Melting Pot can be turned sexual.  Anything.

7.  Eight women in one room sound like goats who sound like humans.  What?

8.  Uncircumcised penises look like Chinese finger traps.

9.  Don’t ask anyone to explain Spiderman.  Or we will.

10. Crazy bitches need beer STAT.

11.  Golf carts with drivers named Julio Grapefruit will take out old ladies with canes.

12. Carlos likes to stick it in.

13. Five women are not the quiet ninjas they think they are when sneaking into someone’s bedroom to diddle her with Slick Willie.

14. Florida is fucking cold.

15. A hoard of goat-screaming women can all sit in the same room having conversations with each other on Facebook and Twitter while screaming across the room at each other without batting an eye.

16. Mmmmmmmm Bradley Cooper.

17. You really CAN make an entire restaurant empty out by yelling “vagina” and “her pussy smells like Irish Spring”.

18. Whatever you say, can and will be Tweeted against you

19.  It’s possible to shit Skittles.

20. Henry the Ass Raping Gnome spooges blue cheese dressing.

21. You can tell a 15 year old boy to go fuck his mother without getting arrested.  I think.

22.  You can walk into the kitchen at the Melting Pot with goat sounds coming out of your ass and no one notices.

23. Wearing a sparkly necklace that says “WHORE” will get you a lot of funny looks.  Who knew?

24. It’s possible to drink so much that you drink yourself sober.

25. The tickets to this weekend should have come with a free trip to rehab.

 

9 Comments

  • joanne christenson says:

    Best weekend ever, as far as I can remember. I made those redheaded sluts and I’m glad they were delicious. My ribs and abs still hurt from laughing, cannot wait until next year. I’m going to start training my liver now.

  • Ana's Attic says:

    Holy hairy balls, I just laughed so hard I peed. Really. Strangely, I also found a skittle in my bed. Thank you for popping my cherry, and giving my son such an interesting directive.

    I will never be the same again. Best weekend ever. Xo

  • Ricki says:

    Best weekend ever!!!!! Just rereading about it makes me cry laughing tears again!!! Can’t wait to be your bitch in June!

  • Lisa Langrell says:

    Sounds like I missed a great meeting of the minds and vaginas! I am SO going next year! I havent had a good outing since I wore my pearl beaded bra in New Orleans down Bourbon on the gay side with my BFF whom we convinced an entire bar full of gay men that we had sex changes and were now women but we still went by Mike and Sean. I remember being on a stage..getting beads and money in my bra. Ahh..good times. You guys sound like my kind of people!

  • Cassandra Hicks says:

    I loved reading about this lol I kept up during and after and you guys had me laughing so hard!

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