Oct17

Dumb and Dumber…er, I mean Drew and Jenny

76 Comments

Sooooo, I’m hard at work trying to write Drew and Jenny’s book.  This will be the final chapter in the Chocolate Lover’s Series.  Group hug and fondle!  I’ll be sad to see these characters go, but I think after this book there won’t be any story left to tell.

Hopefully I can quit my job soon so I can just sit and write all day.  This going to work every day can suck it.  I’m hoping to have the book out in time for Christmas so you all can buy yourself something nice 🙂  But don’t hold me to that.  I’m still trying to come up with a title for Drew and Jenny’s book.  Right now the winner (thanks to Christina) is “Thesaurus and T-Shirts” LOL!

In the meantime, if you haven’t been to the T.E. Sivec portion of this website yet – check it out.  T.E. Sivec is the pen name for the non-comedy books I’ll be publishing, along with a teeny tiny summary of the first book in a series of 4 that is currently with beta readers 🙂

Also – check out the home page here for a Rafflecopter giveaway of signed copies of S&S and F&F!

Love to all my awesome readers!

76 Comments

  • Dani says:

    Favorite quote from Seduction and Snacks….“And let’s face it people, no one is ever honest with you about child birth. Not even your mother.“It’s a pain you forget all about once you have that sweet little baby in your arms.” Bullshit. I CALL BULLSHIT.

  • Sabrina M says:

    Not sure if this is the correct place to leave my comment, but my favorite quote or line from the books is from S&S’s … “Your tits are like Bounty. The quicker dick picker upper”…. I still laugh!!!

  • Leslie Trimble says:

    My favorite quote is from Seduction & Snacks and literally made me laugh out loud….“Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn’t enough”…Love it! It was hard to pick though because I could just say all of both books! Loved them both equally.

  • Paula Novack says:

    I love the title!! Can’t wait for this book:)

  • Kellee Fabre says:

    I hope you can quite your job and write all day too!!

  • Peggy Hart says:

    So the contest wants me to pick my favorite quote from either book. Can’t do it because there are way too many! I guess I’ll have to say that it would have to be anything that comes out of Gavin’s mouth! Love both books! Keep up the great work! 🙂

  • Amanda Brown says:

    Claire was going to hate me. Our son was sucked into the pits of hell while I was watching General Hospital. God damn you, Brenda and Sonny

  • Lori says:

    I’m insanely excited for A Beautiful Lie!

  • Julie N. says:

    I have so many favorite quote from Seduction and Snacks how can I just pick one?! I like everything that comes out of Gavin’s mouth. Hilarious kid.

  • Loren St. Peter says:

    I can’t wait till Christmas… early release on this one too? lol

  • Beth says:

    Sooooo… I will admit this was REALLY hard to pick one of my favorite quotes but this one reminded me of something my son would say so I tell EVERYONE about it.

    “Gavin! Come on, we don’t say things like that,” I scolded him. “Fine,” he huffed. “I’d tickle him in the nuts.”

    Hahaha <3 it!

  • Angie K says:

    Tara…I LOVE LOVE LOVE S&S!! Pick me Pick me for the signed copies!!
    I can only pick ONE of my fav quotes huh?? okay….”I didn’t want him to start calling me the shirt sniffer. That’s a nickname that just doesn’t go away. Like vagina hand.”
    Laugh out Loud hilarious!

  • Celia says:

    My favorite quote is from Seduction and Snacks and is: I want to reach in my pants, pull out my virginity, wrap it up and put a bow on it.’

  • Brooke says:

    So, hopefully this is the right spot (hee hee, that’s what he said!)
    I think I will have to go with “Vagina hand sees you. Vagina hand is always watching.” It has become my friend and my new motto!!

  • Sheri Zee says:

    So many favorite quotes, it’s hard to choose. But right now, “Spitters are quitters” comes to mind!

  • Brooke says:

    Also, I think the book’s title should be “Boners and Benjamin Wa Balls”!!

  • Jenny V says:

    A non-pervy line from Drew that cracked me up in S&S:

    “Oh it’s on now! It’s on like Frogger!” Drew shouted.
    “Don’t you mean Donkey Kong?” Jim asked..
    “I never really liked Donkey Kong. So it was never on. Frogger just works better for me.”

  • Lindsay says:

    Favorite Quote –

    “Water? At a wedding? I don’t understand,” he asks in confusion. “Did you invite Jesus? That’s the only way that will be acceptable.”

    LOL

  • Brandi Franklin says:

    I seriously can’t pick just one quote! I love them all and Gavin reminds me so much of my 3 year old it kills me, cracks me up but I love when Gavin says “I’m Gavin Morgan, who the hell are you?” 🙂

  • Aleksandra says:

    My favourite quote is from Future and Frosting:
    I love you more than a hooker loves free VD testing day at the clinic. :)))

  • Karen says:

    LOVED both books! They kept me laughing into the small wee hours of the morning and I would reccommend them to everyone! My all time fave tho has to be Gavin! Well done and looking forward to reading the last book! x

    • Karen says:

      Oh and I cant just put my finger on one favourite quote as there are far too many funny ones! I will say my fave bit was when Claire wanted to throw Gavin out the car – been there soooo many times lol 🙂

  • Kathy Anderson says:

    I love these books soooooooooooo much..can’t wait for the next will be so sorry to see them go!

  • Holly says:

    My favorite quote is from Future and Frosting:

    “Did she just say Benjamin Wa Balls?”
    “Seriously?” That’s what you’re concerned with? She stuck a product up her vagina before she left the store. And was planning on putting it back if she didn’t like it,” Jim whispers back in a horrified voice. “I never should have touched anything in here.”

    I had tears pouring down my face I have never laughed so hard in my life…

  • Tara says:

    There are too many favorites because pretty much anything Gavin said (“Hey, Carter, I’m on team Jacob, bitch!”) was hilarious and anything Drew and Jenny said, so because I don’t think anyone else will use it, I will say this one because it’s the line I am going to steal and use…
    “Did you see that? The f*ck I give. It went that way.”

  • Lisa Mateo says:

    This had me cracking up for days, one of my favorites from S&S:
    Didn’t that kid from the Poltergeist get sucked in to his closet by an evil clown? Shit!
    “You didn’t lose hime. It’s not like he could have gotten far. There’s only one way out of this house and he would have had to walk right past you to get to it.”
    Drew walked out of tthe bedroom while I stood there trying not to cry as I choked the fuck out of the stupid clown that took my kid.

    Laughing now… I love this book.

  • Laters Baby UK says:

    Loved these books SO much. I’ve snorted & guffawed my way through them a couple of times now & I still laugh at the same bits. Ms Sivec, you sure do have a way of capturing dialogue 🙂 Fave quote is probably ‘you are a gigantic, stinkotic, vaginastic, clitoral, lipstistic, whore dizzle’. Brilliant.

  • Esther says:

    Title suggestions for the 3rd book……Doughnuts & Dumbies. 🙂 Can’t wait to read it.

  • Rosa says:

    Favorite quote comes from the always entertaining Drew. “FUCK YOU, SAM I AM!!”

  • Holly Gibson says:

    “No one likes an ugly crier. It’s uncomfortable for all parties involved.”

    It’s funny because I giggle at ugly criers.

    These books are absolutely hysterical, I have the kindle app (because I’m too cheap to buy an actual kindle) and I sit and giggle at my phone when I’m reading! I hope there’s a third book!

  • Clista says:

    I’ve told you this Tara, from my son, “Mom, are you laughing or crying?”
    That’s what I did the whole time I read both books!!!!
    I’ve got my husband reading S&S!!!!!!
    All things Gavin says are awesome!!!!!!

  • Rashelle says:

    I will cut and bitch is what I find find myself quoting most often…

  • Kimberly Byers says:

    O.K. this may not be funny to some of you, but I was highly inebriated when I read this part and almost passed out laughing so hard. I mean old lady laughing where I’m wheezing with every breath that ends up sounding like a dying cat. So here it is, the part of the book that almost killed me: “Scittly scat-scat, do bop dee scat!”

  • Brenna says:

    I love your books so much! I can’t wait to read more!!! 🙂

  • Brenna says:

    Forgot to put my quote! Lol :/

    “Is that a birth mark? No, it’s a dick mark.”

    The paragraph with this quote made me laugh so hard. I took a pic and read it to basically everyone I know lol I love it!

  • Jennifer says:

    I cannot pick one specific quote…the whole book is my favorite quote!

  • Brandy says:

    “MY WIENER EXPLODED!”…”Never mind. I just spilled milk on it. I have a milk wiener now.”

  • Stephanie Behill says:

    “If you touch my daughters boobs while I’m standing right here, I’m going to have to put taffy in your trachea until you terminate.”

  • Cimmaron says:

    I can’t wait for this book. I will piss my pants when Drew and Jenny’s book comes out. I was thinking maybe you could title it Cunts & Cookies

  • Cindy says:

    My favorite quote from S & S is “I slept with your wife.” Loved that whole scene!

  • Christina Viera says:

    This melted me: “Say it,” he whispers. “I missed out on this the first time. I want to hear you say it.”

  • lisa c says:

    I think there’s green jello in the trunk with the tutrtles.

  • Sara Jean Breaux says:

    My favorite quotes is not wanting the vagina to look like Arby’s beef and cheese

  • Stacy Sties says:

    Chapter 13 in your first books gets me every time. Some many great moments in both books. Thank you.

  • Jennifer says:

    “you’re such a man whore. Her name is jade. She always smells like beef jerky so we call her jerky jade. And you stuck it to her. You stuck you’re penis in her meaty vagina”.

  • Shannon says:

    My favorite quote is from Future’s and Frosting, “Spitters are quitters” Ha! However there are many, many, great one liners in both the books.

  • Amber says:

    My favourite quote from Seduction and Snacks: “I want to reach in my pants, pull out my virginity, wrap it up and put a bow on it. Or maybe stick it in a gift bag from Target and give it to him like a present with a nice card that says, “Thank you for being you! Just a little virginity to show you may gratitude!”

  • LindsayB says:

    Favorite quote??? There is not enough room on this website to name them all!!! But one of the first that comes to mind is at the beginning of Seductions and Snacks when Claire loses her virginity and says, “yea right. Are you kidding me? Have you lost your virginity lately? It’s hurts like a mother effer and its awkward and messy. Anyone that tells you that she had anything even close to resembling an orgasm during the actual event itself is a lying sack of shit. The only stars that I saw were the ones behind my eyelids as I squeezed them shut and waited for it to be over.”

  • Teresa says:

    I can’t pick just one favorite quote. I loved Gavin’s mouth though!! I will never look at Arby’s the same again!!

  • Erica Pillera says:

    After catching Carter buying condoms and telling him “I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you”
    “Jim turned around and grabbed his tampons off the shelf”. Hilarious

  • Beth R says:

    I have actually said this for years because it is TRUE but was amazed Carter agreed with me…. “I can’t feel my teeth”

  • Debbie Price says:

    Too many favorites from SS….One quote I can relate to: “Give me a cat over a kid any day. You can open up a bag of Mewo Mix, plop it down on the floor next to a bucket of water, go on vacation for a week and come home to an animal that is so busy licking it’s own ass that it has no idea you were even gone. You can’t do that with a kid. Well, I guess you could, but I’m sure it’s frowned upon in most circles.”

  • Trish says:

    One of my favorite quote….I have so many!!!!

    “I remember that night fondly. And by fondly I mean with bitter resentment toward all things alcoholic and with a penis.”

  • Brandy Rocha says:

    I would have to say that title if you stay with it is FUNNY! and perfect! 🙂

  • Tasha says:

    Ok…this one…
    When I took Gavin to the library last week there was a book called  ” Daddy’s Roommate”   in the children’s section. Should I go back and get that book? Maybe I should buy a copy for future reference. There was also a book called  ” I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much”   and  ” It Hurts When I Poop.”    
    And this one…
    “Her ass better be so clean you can see your face in it!”
    And this one…
    Oh, sweet Jesus, was that porn music playing in the background? Was I starring in “Cocks and the Chocolate Factory” or “Chocolate Melts in Your Vagina, Not in your Hand”?

  • Leanne L says:

    So hard to choose just one but this was definitely a favorite:
    “Liz, same question, name that beaver!”
    …”Vajingo. As in “maybe the vajingo ate your penis” she said in an Australian accent.

  • Jesica Hubbard says:

    OK first one that pops in my head is “I love you more than a hooker loves free VD testing at the community clinic”. But to list my favs I’d have a whole book!

  • Ashley Nicole says:

    Just one of my many favorite quotes…

    “Why is it that I’m just now finding out my best friend went through a lesbian phase? Every time I look at her now I’m going to picture vagina-hand. A little hand that looks like a who-ha chasing me around the house and watching me sleep. Vagina hand is always watching. Vagina hand sees you.”

  • Ragan says:

    VAGINA!

  • Debra DIaz says:

    Vagina hands are coming for you!

  • Angie says:

    What’s your damage Heather? My ALL TIME fav quote!… I actually use this in RL all the time =)

  • Jennifer Hoos says:

    My Favorite quote from S&S “I told her my mommy wasn’t afraid to punch a kid”

  • Deb says:

    My fave quote is from S&S… either “the cum dumpster” or “what the hell did shut bag mcfuck stick want?”

  • Ash says:

    One of my favorite quotes is…”I quickly tried to do the math but my brain was a jumbled mess and I couldn’t remember what number comes after potato.”

  • Debbie says:

    Spitters are Quitters

  • Jenn says:

    It’s so hard to try to pick a favorite when every moment with them is fantastic, but I’ll have to go with this one since I’ve used it. “Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn’t enough”

  • Christine says:

    By far my favorite quote is “First rule of having a penis – it should never bleed. Second rule – there is no second rule, IT SHOULD NEVER BLEED!!” OMG I almost pee myself when I think about that. I love the 2 points of view, it’s the greatest series, thank you for bringing this hilarity to my life!!!

  • Ricki says:

    Gavin’s comment,, “Papa says your friends Johnny, Jack, and Jose maded you sick. Friends shouldn’t do stuff like that Mommy. If Luke maded me sick, I’d punch him in the nuts!” Let’s be honest haven’t we all had a time when Johnny, Jack, and Jose have maded us sick too???

  • mollie says:

    “MOM!! I hear Jesus taking a piss.”

  • Monica Brennecke says:

    I loved so many quotes but still laugh when I think about this conversation Claire and Liz were having when Claire thought: “Pussy Punch: when a twat tap just isn’t enough”

  • Sandy says:

    It’s so hard to choose one!

    “All the baby books written by women who had the most perfect birth experience in the world said you should talk to your child in the womb. That was about the only piece of advice I took from those things. Every day I told him if he ruined my vagina I would video tape his birth and show all his future girlfriends what happened to your who-ha when you had sex, ensuring that he will never, ever get laid.”

  • Suyen Cruz says:

    I have so many favorite quotes but this one’s got me cracked up so much: “Jenny can still suck a golf ball through a garden hose and she guns my cock like a champ since she misplaced her false teeth!”

  • Amy says:

    I couldn’t pick just one quote – so I picked a scene where Claire had a melt down over the slush machine!! I love it

    “OH MY GOD, CLAIRE?! What’s going on? Is everything okay? Is it the baby? Did Gavin get hurt?” he shouts.
    “The slush machine was broken!” I wail.”

    Being a mother – I completely understand the total meltdown!!

  • deanna miller says:

    It hard to pick a favorite part in the book,but if I have to pick one what make me laugh every time i read it ,when Gavin get a hold of ky jelly.I can’t wait for your next book,

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