Drew & Jenny Love Note

*This love note was previously posted on True Story Book Blog


Drew:     “Roses are red, violets are blue…I like it when you suck my balls.”

Jenny:    “That doesn’t have rhythm. Shouldn’t a greeting card have rhythm?”

Drew:    “I think you mean it doesn’t rhyme, babe. And hey, Hallmark never gave me any specifics when they told me to come up with a few Valentine’s Day greeting card ideas.”

Jenny:   “I like it when I read a Valentine’s Day card and it’s sweet and has words that sound alike. Box, socks, rocks, celery…”

Drew:    “Fine. How about this one: ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, you give great head, so I’m not sick of you.  Yet.’”

Jenny:    “These cards are supposed to be sweet and romantic, Drew.”

Drew:    “Dude, blowjobs are TOTALLY romantic. Did you know that 100% of men questioned said they would rather go through life with no arms than live without blowjobs?”

Jenny:    “Let me guess, you only asked yourself this question?”

Drew:   “Yes. And it was unanimous. Okay, how about this one: ‘Happy Valentine’s Day. You are the wind beneath my wings, you give light to my day and you didn’t punch me in the neck when I accidentally gave you anal. I love you.’”

Jenny:  “Better. Keep going, this is turning me on.”

Drew:   “All right, I think I have a winner: ‘Happy Valentine’s Day to the hottest bitch I know. I like it when you suck my toe, it makes my meat whistle grow. Take your clothes off and get into bed, then stick your feet behind your head.’”

Jenny:    “I hope Hallmark gives awards for best Valentine’s Day cards ever, because that one’s a winner. Now, take your pants off.”

Drew:   “Can we try that thing again with the conversation hearts, stuffed bear and candle wax?”

Jenny:   “Fine, but make sure to grab the fire extinguisher. I didn’t like the sound of my pubic hair sizzling last time.”