I learned a new word the other day. Unlike “twat waffle” and “groin ferret”, I really don’t feel the need to use it in a sentence every day. However, learning about this new word means that I can never UNlearn it. So, I’m bringing you into my misery. Folks, I give you: Bronies.
According to Urban Dictionary: Bronies – The term used to describe the fan community(usually of the older group, males and females) of the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
I’m not kidding. I wish I was. And lets be honest here, I’m pretty sure they use the term “men AND women” very loosely. I don’t see anything wrong with women enjoying My Little Pony. I myself have a vintage My Little Pony t-shirt. However…MEN…I just…I can’t…
You guys, there is something called BronyCon. BRONYCON. Like ComiCon, but more child-molester-ish. Thousands of men dressed up as My Little Pony, discussing their love of My Little Pony. http://www.bronycon.org/
At BronyCon you can participate in such events as Writing Compelling Pony Novels, Ponycraft: Tainted Skies Panel. Does it escape anyone else’s notice that the word TAINT is used in this event??? Exactly. Because all of these men are dressing up as ponies and touching each other’s taints. Obviously. Hearts and Hooves EVERYday: Brony Couples. The couple that ponies together, stays together. Ask a Brony Psychologist. Um, ask them what??? Why these men are bat shit crazy? I’m pretty sure just walking through the doors of this event automatically gets you free psychological testing for life.
<<<No, totally not weird at all. Especially the photo bomber on the left who’s like “WTF? I thought this was the Monster Truck Rally!”
There’s even a special name for Bronies who yank it to My Little Pony. Here I am, assuming ALL these weirdos like a little Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle ass. So not the case. These special people are called…are you sitting down for this? Cloppers. Yes, folks, Cloppers. And from what I’ve seen, main stream Bronies don’t like the Cloppers. It’s like the Boods and Crips. CHOOSE A SIDE!
I guess telling people you are a Bronie is better than saying you’re into bestiality. Sounds legit. I say we all go to BronyCon. I want to do a book signing there. Look! There’s even a logo!
A Bronie was asked what the appeal of My Little Pony was and this was his answer:
“This is a show where, really, they want to teach us good lessons about friendship and how to treat each other right and, you know, how to help every pony get along.”
I think we can just assume that all of these dudes are virgins, living in their parent’s basement. We should just take up a collection to get them laid. Bronies need love too.