Tara’s Favorite Things Week 5!


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Are we really already into week 5???  Holy crap!

As you know, last week’s favorite thing was one of my ULTIMATE favorite things:


I can’t even tell you how excited I was to pick the winner this morning. Without further ado, the winner of a dozen Tara’s Favorite Things cookies, PLUS a $50 gift certificate for book cookies (EEEEEEEP!!!!!) is….

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Okay, on to this week’s favorite things. I know, nothing will be quite as exciting as cookies from Steph, but we’ll just pretend that it is. This week’s theme is books.  


So, you guys know I write funny books, right? And you would probably assume I read a lot of funny books, right? WRONG! I never read funny books. Mostly because I’m a special kind of funny. The kind that should be locked up in a padded cell. So in order for something to make me laugh, it has to be pretty fucking funny. I never laugh out loud when I read books. I may chuckle here and there but that’s about it. I don’t even laugh at the things I write. I don’t think I’m funny, I think I’m just bat shit crazy. <<<But this book right here? Holy mother fucking funny! I really think the author and I should be BFF’s. I’d send her an email and tell her that, but I’m afraid she might think I’m creepy. And then block me from Twitter. And I can’t live without her Twitter or her blog posts.          





Pamela Ribon is the author who made me want to write. She has a blog that I started reading I don’t even know how many years ago and I just love her. She’s hilarious and just awesome. When I first decided to publish Seduction and Snacks, I emailed her. And she actually replied immediately with a bunch of “How To’s” and helpful tips.  Her first book, “Why Girls Are Weird” is still one of my all-time favorites. But this one right here, this one gutted me. Big, fat ugly tears. I also like that she replies to my Tweets. I may or may not have printed them out and kept them all. Totally not creepy.          







Last but not least, this one right here – MIND FUCKERY OF ALL FUCKERIES! I’ve never thrown my Kindle across the room while reading a book. My poor Kindle took a beating while reading this book, but it was all worth it. I read this book in one sitting and had a massive headache when I was finished from not moving, blinking or eating for eight hours. INSANE!   So, three of my all time favorite books, each one extremely different from the others.  We’ll see what kind of mood I’m in next week as to which one the winner will get 😉




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Creepy Elf on a Shelf


I’ve come to the realization that as much as I bitch and moan about working on a deadline, it kind of works for me.  I’m too easily distracted to start a project  far in advance and take my time writing it. I’m much better at staying up until 6am every single day for a week and finishing my manuscript at the very last second after downing enough 5 hour energy shots to power up a nuclear plant.

Take right now for instance. I have to turn Worn Me Down (Playing With Fire #3) in to my editor by January 3rd. January 3rd! That’s like, six months away or some shit. Ok, not really but it feels like that. PLENTY of time! I have almost 8,000 words written and there’s a Top Chef marathon on right now. Top Chef, people! I haven’t cooked a hot meal in over a year but I need to know how to make roast duck with raspberry glaze and foie gras even though I would never eat that shit with someone ELSE’S mouth.










And whose bright idea was it to write a book during the holiday season? Oh, that’s right. Me. There are trees to trim, presents to wrap and children to torture with the Elf on a Shelf who watches them while they sleep. Seriously, who came up with this concept??  An elf, who is WATCHING YOU. Always watching you. If they had this thing when I was little, I’d be freaking out wondering if he was watching me go to the bathroom or pick my nose. Just how much IS he watching me??  Just when I curse at my parents under my breath or when I’m changing? He should be called the Pedophile on the Shelf. But still, I’m glad someone came up with this idea. It’s the only thing that stops my kids from shoving each other down a flight of stairs and whining every time you look at them.

See? Easily distracted. Now I’m making a list of new ideas for the elf this year. Last year, he did all sorts of cute things like have a tea party with Barbie and a wrestling match with all the WWE figures. The kids are a year older now. They’ve had an entire year of turning into bigger assholes than they already were. It’s time for the Elf on the Shelf to turn it up a notch. I’m thinking instead of a tea party with Barbie, this year, it’s going to be a Barbie massacre. Headless Barbies, armless Barbies, Barbies missing their eyes…with a note from the elf – all letters cut out of magazines and glued to a piece of paper: “This is what will happen if you don’t stop whining. I’m watching…always watching.”









Dexter-themed Elf on a Shelf? Genius!








Dick in a Box-themed Elf on a Shelf? BRILLIANT! Although I might do this one just for hubs.








Tricking them into thinking the elf put the cat in the microwave? AMAZING!







Oh, don’t get your panties in a bunch PETA, I wouldn’t really put the cat in the microwave. The washing machine, maybe.


If my kids don’t need therapy by the time they’re adults, I haven’t done my job properly.

Tis the season, and all that crap. Now, Google “Creepy Elf on a shelf” and be easily distracted with me.



Tara’s Favorite Things Week 4!


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I can’t believe we’re already into week 4!!  So, if you missed last week’s post, here it is:

And the winner is…

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CATHERINE B. COFFMAN!!!  Congratulations! You have won my absolute favorite thing from last week, a Diamond Candle.  I’ll be emailing you shortly so keep an eye out! I may or may not have just ordered a bajillion of these things. Bajillion is a number, right? Eh, whatever. There is a diamond ring in EVERY CANDLE!  If you didn’t win, you should really go to the website and buy one. Or a bajillion. Tell them I said it’s a real number.






Okay, now on to this week’s favorite things. I’m going to do this week a little different. I know I usually give you three things and then it’s a surprise the following week on what the winner receives. But this week, I just can’t contain my excitement! This week’s prize is just too awesome for me to keep a secret. Seriously. Are you sitting down for this? You should probably be sitting down. With your feet up. Do it. I’ll wait.

If you follow me on Facebook, you’ve probably seen me rave about the awesomeness of this prize and the woman who creates them. I love her so much I wish I could make her really tiny,  stick her in my pocket and take her everywhere with me. But since that’s probably impossible since I don’t have a Harry Potter wand and her husband might frown upon that, I guess I’ll just have to stick with loving her from afar. This week’s Tara’s Favorite Thing is:

Cookies by Sweets by Steph!

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EEEEEEEEEP!!!!  Not only will the winner receive a dozen of these ADORABLE Tara’s Favorite Things cookies, they’ll also receive a $50 gift certificate for book themed cookies!  OMG!!!!!  Didn’t I tell you how awesome Sweets by Steph is?! I hope you’ve already liked her Facebook page. If not, here it is: And in case you live under a rock and you haven’t seen her book themed cookies, here are a few pictures.

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I’m a little strange, I’ve kept all of my cookies. I’m not kidding. Some of them are over a year old and they are still PERFECT! I needed a new way to display them so I got the genius idea to buy a shoe display thingy for them. Yep, I have shoe rack cookies. But don’t be weird like me. If you win them – EAT THEM! They are delicious.










So, in review, go tell Sweets by Steph how awesome she is and “like” her Facebook page. And then come back here and enter to win her cookies!

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Tara’s Favorite Things Week 3!

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Welcome to Tara’s Favorite Things, Week 3!!!

First, the winner of week 2 is…
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SHANNON FUHRMAN!!! Congratulations Shannon! Be on the lookout for an email from me 🙂 You are the winner of the most delicious things I’ve ever had in my mouth (that’s what she said): chukar pecans








And now, on to some more of my favorite things. The first, is one my PR person told me about. It’s called the BirchBox. For as little as $10 a month, you can get a BirchBox sent to you will all kinds of surprise goodies like make-up, accessories, perfume, household items, etc. You fill out a questionnaire about your style and that’s it. The next month you get your first box. Mine should be here any day now and I’m so excited!! birchbox            






The next item my cousin told me about when we were in Pittsburgh at a book signing. Five minutes after she explained what they were, I was already online ordering 3. They are called Diamond Candles. Each candle has a diamond ring in it. No, I’m not kidding! The rings value anywhere from $10 – $5,000. They are the coolest things ever! The kids were more entertained watching the candle burn down to the ring than watching TV. IMG_0486

















Last but not least, I picked these up at Kohls and they are my FAVORITE! They’re Candies Sequin Slippers. Yes, I’ve worn them to the store and to drop my kids off at school. Don’t judge me. 







So, one of these items could be yours!!! Make sure to enter the rafflecopter below and the winner will be announced next Friday!

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Tara’s Favorite Things Week 2!

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Welcome to week 2 of Tara’s Favorite Things!!!  In case you missed last week’s post, here was the first list of some of my favorite things:

And now, the winner of week 1 is: STACY WOLLETT!!!!

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Stacy has won my absolute favorite item from last week – Aveda Light Elements Smoothing Fluid! aveda light                








And now, on to week 2 of my favorite things! I have found a lot of delicious things on my travels this past year, but a few of them stand out. I know I wrote a series centered around chocolate, but to be honest, I’m not really a huge fan of chocolate. I can take it or leave it. If I’m going to eat it, it needs to be damn good. While in Seattle, my wonderful friend Lorren took me to Pike Place Market. There is a place there called Chukar Cherries. They gave us a sample of Chocolate Honey Pecans. Let me just tell you, I have ordered 4 bags of these things since I got home. They are AMAZING!

chukar pecans                









The next thing we found was in Toronto. I don’t know where else these are made, but we definitely don’t have them in Ohio. My husband bought these things in bulk every time we went to a store in Toronto. They are called Aero and they are made by Nestle. They’re like, little bubbles of chocolate, wrapped in chocolate. It’s like chocolate bursting in your mouth. When we got to London the other day, he saw them in a store and immediately grabbed like 10 of them.





And last but not least, another one from Seattle. There’s a place there on Market Street called Cupcake Royale. Now, I’m not a big cake fan (I know, chocolate and now cake. Obviously I’m a loser) but these cupcakes were TO DIE FOR. Salted Carmel cupcake, Lavender cupcake, Pumpkin Cardamom…the list is endless.  Plus, they sell awesome shirts, stickers and coffee mugs that say things like “I’m a Frostitute” and “Does this cupcake make me look gay?” salted_caramel1cupcake    








Okay kids, don’t forget to enter this week’s rafflecopter for a chance to win one of these yummy delights! Winner will be announced next Friday!  

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Tara’s Favorite Things – Week 1!


Favorite Things

This week is all about beauty!  Below are a few of my “can’t live without” items that I take everywhere with me.  Make sure to enter the rafflecopter at the bottom. One of these items will be given away to one lucky winner next Friday!

aveda hairspray


Aveda Control Force Hairspray

I love this stuff so much that now my husband uses it. And I want to cut him for using my expensive shit!  But, it’s awesome hairspray and doesn’t make your hair look like you stepped out of 1985 with Aqua Net hair that wouldn’t even budge in a hurricane.





aveda lightAveda Light Elements Smoothing Fluid

Just pretend the word “fluid” isn’t in the title. There are no body fluids in this product. At least I don’t think so. Eh, whatev. Even if it’s made with whale sperm I’d still use it. As you all probably know, my hair changes color like every week. This stuff is a MIRACLE on my dry hair. One tiny little drop (of whale sperm) on your hand and then smoothed through your hair makes it sooooooo shiny.





Screen Shot 2013-11-01 at 11.05.23 AMSephora Amazing Cosmetics Concealer

If I could live at Sephora, I would. I picked up this stuff because there was a sign by it that said “The concealer the stars use!” Well, I’ve decided I’m a star and I’m using this shit! This stuff is awesome. One teeny, tiny little dot will cover half your face. Even if someone drew a penis on your face with a Sharpie, this stuff would cover it.





Cover Girl Outlast All-Day Lip Color

When it says on the packaging that this stuff lasts for 24 hours – believe it! I wake up the next morning and this stuff is still on my lips and I don’t look like a drunk clown or a hooker after a gang bang.




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