This week’s random blog post is all about me. ME ME ME. There is no “i” in team but there is a “me” so sit back and enjoy the show.
What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR? Seriously? Why didn’t they pick a harder word, like clitoris. FYI, citrus rhymes with clitoris. BOOM!
Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? My husband. I didn’t “miss” it so much as ignore it. Dude, I was busy writing and stuff.
What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? Closer to the Edge – Thirty Seconds to Mars My second favorite, however, is Chevy Chase’s rant in Christmas Vacation: “I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shitt. Where’s the Tylenol?”
Yes, that is an actual ring tone I have on my phone and it’s the one assigned to my dad.
What are you wearing right now? Did a creeper ask this question? He should know since he’s watching me right now.
7. Do you label yourself? Yes, and my label says:
What does your watch look like? An iPhone 4. Do people still wear watches?
What were you doing at midnight last night? Writing
What did your last text message you received on your cell say? “Truth. I’d blow it too. That always seems to work on getting what I want.”
What’s a word that you say a lot? Fuck
Last furry thing you touched? EEEEEEW the fuck? Oh, wait. I have pets. Let’s go with my cat then.
What was the last thing you said to someone? “I don’t want to hear another word out of you unless someone is bleeding from the eyes.”
The last song you listened to? City of Angels – Thirty Seconds to Mars
Name three things that you have on you at all times? Cigarettes, iPhone, coffee
Can you change the oil on a car? Cars have oil?
Does anything hurt on your body right now? My brain
What is your current desktop picture? A picture of my books on a table at Barnes & Noble
Have you been burnt by love? Yes. Fucking massage oil candles.
What was your first car? 1989 Dodge Omni. Stick shift, no power steering and no radio. I was a baller, obviously.
What are you most afraid of? Clown-sized spiders. Or spiders that look like clowns. Or clowns holding spiders.
Four favorite movies you would watch over and over? Shawshank Redemption, Super Troopers, Gone With the Wind, Anchorman
Favorite drink? Cupcake Moscato wine. Or cherry vodka. With vodka in it. With a side of vodka.
What’s under your bed? Killer clowns. At least that’s what I imagine is under my bed when I can’t sleep at night and it’s 800 degrees in the room and I refuse to take the covers off because that just means the force field of protection around me is gone and the clown can eat my face.
How do you eat your cookie? Um, with my mouth? WTF?
*If you have any random questions you’d like me to answer, post them here and I’ll answer them next week!